Random Rails

Why do we keep train tracks that are never used? They just sit there and you have to drive over them and it's been years since they've been used. I mean, think about it, if we got rid of all of those useless tracks we could reuse the metal, plant some trees there and restore the land so that there's not a huge, barren streak. We might even be able to squeeze a few more houses in to the jampacked neighborhoods. There must be some ulterior motive. Maybe we keep them there in case another huge war comes to the United States and they're thinking it would be easier to just repair them than to completely replace them. Who knows. All I know is that they are annoying to drive over when you know that no train will be coming any time soon. It just takes all the fun out of racing to the tracks and hoping you'll beat the train. I mean they could at least remove the parts that go over roads, but that's just me.

Wikipedia Knows All

Wikipedia is just plain amazing. Anything you want to know, it's there. I, being a Chemistry nerd, use it for my labs. You can type in a compound and it will tell you all about it including it's chemical properties and will even show you a picture. But, I've also used it many a time when I know I'm right and my friend knows they're right. Then we bet on it and use the wizardry of Wikipedia to find the answer. Plus, it's just fun to search for stuff on it and you look up dragon and somehow along the way you end up reading about the scientific explanation of sunsets. Anything that con get you that off topic has to be good, especially when you are procrastinating on your Physics homework!

Bob Ross is my Hero

In my free time I aspire to be Bob Ross. Yes, the same Bob Ross with the crazy afro and all the 70's clothes and phrases. If I could only get on public television, do a painting in 30 minutes, and be secure enough in my manhood to say "lets paint a few more happy trees around the lake". Oh, Bob Ross, you inspired so many of us beginning painters with your speed painting skills and your witty repartee. Imagine, he could have made about 16 paintings in 8 hours and sold them for thousands if not millions, but instead, he did a little show on PBS and made us all think, at least a few minutes, about becoming a painter.

I Collect Shiny Car Parts and Hang them on my Wall

For some reason I feel compelled to pick up the shiny car parts I find on the street. It must be the silver and the different designs on the hubcaps that I find appealing. At least this is what used to happen when I would find such an object. However, this hobby was short lived once I spent a good amount of time cleaning the dirty hubcap and realized it's glorious shine wasn't worth all the pain. So, now I leave the parts on the road for some other crazy person to pick up and enjoy.

You're Too Slow Mario!!

I think Nintendo ran out of ideas when they were inventing Dr. Mario. First of all, the plot is not the most intriguing scenario Mario has come upon. He's a doctor.....and a superhero. Now I don't know how a plumber magically becomes either of those professions but, I just accepted that part. Now the story starts with Dr. Mario saving the world with his megavitamins that cure every illness. Of course, all of the evil guys are after him for the megavitamins which can help them destroy the world by healing the sick?? Anyways, for some reason Mario cannot make more vitamins so he now has to chase down the thieves. If you ask me, he's much too careless with his megavitamins...they are stolen over ten times in 20 minutes! The moral of the story is ... Mario needs to lose some weight to catch up with all the bad guys and invest in a safe.

I've Renamed Skiing... It's Now Called Falling.

I hate skiing. It's as simple as that. Lets start at the beginning. You have to drive at least two hours in bad conditions on winding roads. Then you have to wear ski boots. Now, why have they not invented better, more comfortable ski boots? Is it some kind of tradition stubbornness? Ok, now we're at the chairlift...that's the fun part. Then i get to the top, look down and say.... "oh crap." Then for some reason I try it anyways. I go right, turn left, get to the other side and realize I can't turn right. So, then I fall, turn while sitting and get up and do it all again. So, yes, skiing is now called falling in my world.

I Want to be a Mythbuster!

Being a mythbuster has to be about the coolest job around. You get to explode things and shoot things and of course use your chemistry skills. It's pretty much the reason I got into Chemistry... to be a mythbuster. I mean who wouldn't want to shoot frozen chickens into airplane windows? Who wouldn't want to make and drive an actual sized remote control car or teach goldfish how to get through a maze? It sounds like the time of my life. So, I think I'll put that goal on my bucket list. Even if I'm 80 by the time it happens, I'll still be happy.

The Misplaced "You Too"

Do you ever leave somewhere, such as a restaurant or a friends house, and they say their last words of their goodbye and then you feel as if you have to say something back and wish them well too. I do this often and then I always say "you too" without thinking and many times this wonderful end to a goodbye leads me astray and embarrassed. I do this every couple of days and feel just as retarded every time. The checker at best buy says "enjoy your movie" and I say "you too", realize it and walk away quickly-"have fun at the park......you too".-"enjoy you're food....you too." It goes on and on and sometimes, if I'm lucky, it actually works-"have a nice day......you too".

Smile Everyone!

Pilates is a form of exercise which is more like yoga than anything else. I usually watch it for the comedy involved. Pilates is all about focusing on the Core of your body. The Core muscles are your abs, lower back, and gluteus maximus. The latter of the three , as said by the pilates workout tape, is superbly christened the Smile muscles. I don't know if it's because of the word smile or because you have to do these moves while squeezing your smile muscles that makes me, well... smile. And I have much respect for the instructor that has to say squeeze your smile muscles without laughing or hinting that it's funny.

I's Sine (I'm FIne)

I've never liked going to the dentist. Not only because of the old decaying dentist whose hand twitches when he's holding pointy tools in my mouth, but also because of the dentist talk. Dentist talk is the pointless conversation that they feel necessary to start, no not when they first see you but when they first start their work in you mouth. Now my friend pointed out that the dentists must have a mandatory class in college on understanding the bumbling nonsense that comes out of their patients mouths. I would rather sit there with my eyes closed listening to the 80's music in the background than saying "I's sine...nos uch...I's in cosege ow."

I Don't Read Good

I have found that most of my homework time is spent staring at black lines on white paper. I actually read really slow. I do remember most of what I read though so that's a plus but there are a few problems I incur almost every time I read. These random thoughts concur my brain cells and though my eyes keep looking at the words from left to right, none of them actually make it to the brain. I also have this problem of falling asleep in the middle of reading. I can fall asleep in less than a minute when I'm tired. It's actually quite nice when I want to go to sleep but not so much when I have a test the next day. I took the time to calculate my reading abilities in high school. When I have to read the page, highlight, understand, and BS symbolism in a book, I take around 6 minutes a page. So six minutes a page with 465 pages equals 2,790 minutes which is 46 and a half hours of undeniable fun. Now you can see why I don't read much for fun.

The Frog's Still Kickin'

I've never really enjoyed dissecting animals but I was forced to do so in high school biology class. Most people say that you shouldn't get emotionally attached to the little frog in front of you but we just had to name it. So, since frog legs seem to be a delicacy, mostly because they are small and expensive, it's first name was to be dejeuner, the French world for lunch. And since we thought our little dejeuner was pregnant and we happened to be reading the Grapes of Wrath, her last name was Rosasharn. The name actually kind of helped the process because it was something to laugh about. What didn't help was that the leg kicked, even though the frog was dead, when it was poked in a certain place. She could still kick a bucket even after she kicked the bucket.

Bipolar Felines

Have you ever just been sitting on the couch minding your own business and a cute little fuzball of a cat comes over all on it's own and lays in your lap. Now you get used to calmly petting this tabby cat as it's licking your fingers and all of a sudden it freaks out, bites you and scratches you all up until you let it run away. Some people think this is normal cat behavior but no one would let a human get away with that kind of an outburst. They would immediately be classified as bipolar or having some kind of a disease. Can cats be bipolar? I don't see why not so, I think it is time for someone to experiment and give a cat some medicine. Make sure to watch it closely though, it might get depressed and eat it's way to happiness.

See this link for an example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXkw3L7oxwk

Healthy Bacteria??

So the other day, my stomach hurt and I was told to eat some yogurt. Supposedly yogurt helps with issues like stomach aches and misbehaving chihuahuas due to their helpful bacteria. Now at this point I thought why would I want to eat something with bacteria in it; the word bacteria pretty much just turns off my hunger sensor. So I was thinking why don't they just invent a new word for helpful bacteria or cultures, as the yogurt commercials call it? Something more appealing.... I have no ideas on this word but, I'm sure they could invent something and definitely sell more yogurt. It's kind of like the MRI's at the hospital. In my chemistry class, I learned that NMR is the same thing as MRI. Why the name change? Well NMR stands for Nuclear Magnetic Resonance and the medical population seemed to think that their patients would refuse to have this procedure done if they knew it includes the word nuclear. Politics are everywhere.

That's What She Said.

Recently I have been confronted with one of the most annoying phrases in the English language. It's the phrase, "that's what she said". Now, usually there is no response to this phrase but, I have invented a pretty good one. Have you ever been in a situation where you say something you regret because your friend responds to your comment with "that's what she said"? They think that they have won that round of verbal tennis but... you can reverse the tides with three simple words. You simply say "Not to you" and they will truly have nothing to comeback with. The "Not to you" can save you from many embarrassing "That's what she said" moments so I encourage you to use it wisely.

What the...

Anyone who knows me will soon understand why I think more than I speak. First of all, my random thoughts are much more interesting than droning on about the sale at American Eagle or how your nail is chipped. Secondly, most of the things I think about are so far off in left field that they're better left unspoken. As a tall bearded president once said, "it's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." Luckily for all of you, I have already removed all doubt and have nothing to lose. So, if you want a small glimpse into my twisted mind or if you are simply bored and typed in the word tomfoolery, read on.